Never shall I forget the lyrics to the song in a nightmare I had.
Never shall I forget the fantasy of my family’s death.
Never shall I forget such a painful and horrible nightmare.
Never shall I forget the fear of losing my family.
… And I remember the lyrics. Surprisingly, I remember the lyrics to an unknown song. It is quite short but I believe it says a lot.
I hear it. But I don’t want to.
I hear it. It plays a sad tune in my heart.
I hear it. A dreadful sound that rings in my being.
I heard the Cuckoo bird tonight
What an awful noise it made
It told me that your time was up
Your contract on this earth has been fulfilled
And who knew. That the joy and the strength you’ve provided me with
Have been an anchor, in this deceitful world
I heard the Cuckoo bird tonight (and I realized) It was for you and not for me
Hear my heart
Please watch over me
And though you’re not right here next to me at this current time
I hope you’re doing well
In God’s arms.
On June 18th 2015, I had the worst nightmare in my life. It involved my family (the sacred beings in my life) and the events that lead them to their end.
The Lord has blessed me with 10 siblings (in reality, I have 9 siblings since one of them–the one in blue holding my nephew, is my cousin.) and I could not imagine my life without anyone one of them. They have each given me at least one good trait to help me live on with life. My favorite trait to have learned was from my younger brother: patience. He is quite annoying at times but in the end, I wish nothing awful for him and I do want the best for him. After all, he is my family.
And the fact that he was gone so soon in an imaginary dimension has scarred me. And to this day, I am afraid. I sometimes wish I could cry it out and be free from these chains of sadness. This burden is so hard to carry because the ones I consider to be sacred were all stolen from me in one breath.
And I’m still scared.
Because this crazy world contains so many crazy posibilities with some crazy inhabitants filled with crazy thoughts and crazy practices.
And the fact that I vividly saw a series of unfortunate events build up in this nightmare made me feel overprotective and afraid. Such terrible events have happened to my loves and if they were to manifest themselves in real life, that would be the end of me.
I remember the moment I woke up, I was crying. I did not think. I only remembered my brain rewinding that sorrowful song in my mind so I picked up my journal and wrote the lyrics down. It was until much later that I started asking myself questions:
Why do I remember the music?
Why did I survive?
Is God testing me?
Is this a sign?
Why my family?
My weaknesses, my poor weaknesses.
February 25, 2017. I found out why. To summarize such a heartbreaking situation, which is currently taking place, my nightmare showed that my extended family hates my family and they are trying to destroy us. Slowly, they are trying to tear us apart hoping that we will all fall and be finished in their hands.
But my God who is greater than I has every thing worked out. He sees my pain and he has my family covered. I am certain.