It’s 12am. Midnight. You’re too uncomfortable to fall asleep. Too occupied by the thoughts running through your head. You try to close your eyes, try to distance yourself from everything that has gone wrong. You open your eyes a little more than 40 seconds later because it’s all too loud. All of it is getting to you, and it is hard to concentrate on relaxation. What happens next?
It’s 2am. The night is still. Laying in bed, warm, but not warm enough. Cold but still your body craves the sensation of ice. They’re in now, the thoughts, They’ve somehow conjured up the strength to break down every wall you’ve created to block out the pain associated with those damn thoughts. What happens next?
5am. They took over, and now you’re confident that everything wrong in life is your fault. You did this. Why are you like this? You have to wake up soon, put on a show. Act like everything’s okay. But inside, you know you’re broken, lost, afraid, and you fear the future because you fear yourself. You don’t care what happens next, because you’ve given up.
I have been through many ups and downs throughout high school. I’ve made mistakes and I know sometimes I keep making them. It’s hard finding the purpose to life. You think you have it all figured out, but in reality, you struggle. Every turmoil seems like the end of the world, and I’ve been victim to being brought down in situations where I feel as if nothing in the world is ever going to work out. The truth is, I’ve lost touch with myself. I have been so distracted by all things negative, and the motivated, strong, family girl I use to see when I looked in the mirror is no longer there.
Being exposed to all the inhumane experiences people around the world have undergone has made me feel guilty for not being thankful for what I have been given. There are so many problems bigger than me, and I feel as if I’ve let myself lose touch with the gratitude and thankfulness I’ve wanted encompass as a person. Learning about the genocides that have occurred in the past has opened my eyes to how precious life is, and how insignificant my problems are. I do not want to let myself be drowned by so much negativity when I have been blessed with so many things that at some points, others had to fight for.
Another response I have been having to discovering such atrocities of the world is the confrontation of the importance of family. I have been distant my with my family recently, and although I know I love them, I have not been doing anything to make them a priority in my life. I feel terrible about this. Being forced to understand what kind of loss families had to go through during genocides was an eye opener for me to start loving and appreciating having my family with me everyday. The small problems, overthinking, and obstacles I make a big deal right now compare nothing to what I would go through to be being separated from my family.
“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.” – Earl Nightingale
Family is the most important aspect of life. Having those people you can always rely on, always share the beauties of life, always smile with, always love are the ones you must hold on to the hardest. Family is infinite. Being grateful for them and holding them dear, especially at this age, will be the greatest choice I will make in my life. In the future, when I begin to make a family of my own, I will know what it means to stay committed to family because of the love and gratitude I show now. Time spent with them will never be too much.
Seeing the faces of many of families before the Holocaust makes my heart ache. To know that this love and beautiful joy was soon to be shattered makes me appreciate everything I have right now. My problems are incredibly small compared to what innocent lives, innocent children had to endure.
Sunena Virk
Dear Sunena,
This really connected to me. I really appreciate that you are open about this issue and I would love to comment on this. I have a sister that I love just like you love your siblings. and ever since she moved to Saskatoon for university when I was in grade 7, life was always different for me.
One thing I really liked about this was how you connected your feelings of your siblings in relation the families being affected during the Holocaust. It really helped me understand to what magnitude you love your siblings and helped me interpret what you felt about the Holocaust. Also, I really liked how you put a picture of a family before the holocaust(I believe) and your siblings together. It does not matter where you are or who you are, family looks the same in any way and the happiness that is shown in these pictures look similar, even though they are very different,
One thing I would suggest improving would be talking about the genocide just a little bit more. It would give a little bit more insight to what happened during the Holocaust, and would help connect an individuals family and a family during the Holocaust better. Other than that, beautiful piece Sunena. Bravo!
Dear Sunena,
This piece was so beautifully written. The first line had me hooked! Sunena, you have a way of truly drawing out the raw truth as well as making it as relatable as possible. I can relate to many parts of this piece because I have too taken so many things for granted and haven’t stopped to understand the importance of appreciating what I have instead of what I overlook. To start off this piece with the repetition of time and darkness brought not only the genocide but it also interplayed what many individuals can feel at night. Night is a time of vulnerability and you have showcased with such genuine words what one can go through. I find that when one talks about genocide it is not only important to talk about how an individual is affected but it is also important to talk about relationships (as you had done with your family.) But to improve this piece, connecting the beginning with the rest of this piece would really provide more flow as well as inch more onto the topic of genocide. For example: Connecting the 5 am part to what could drive an individual into carelessness. Would it be the lack of warmth and love? Family? This was a brilliant piece, I cant wait to read more of your writing in the future!
With love,
Suneet