It’s 12am. Midnight. You’re too uncomfortable to fall asleep. Too occupied by the thoughts running through your head. You try to close your eyes, try to distance yourself from everything that has gone wrong. You open your eyes a little more than 40 seconds later because it’s all too loud. All of it is getting to you, and it is hard to concentrate on relaxation. What happens next?
It’s 2am. The night is still. Laying in bed, warm, but not warm enough. Cold but still your body craves the sensation of ice. They’re in now, the thoughts, They’ve somehow conjured up the strength to break down every wall you’ve created to block out the pain associated with those damn thoughts. What happens next?
5am. They took over, and now you’re confident that everything wrong in life is your fault. You did this. Why are you like this? You have to wake up soon, put on a show. Act like everything’s okay. But inside, you know you’re broken, lost, afraid, and you fear the future because you fear yourself. You don’t care what happens next, because you’ve given up.
I have been through many ups and downs throughout high school. I’ve made mistakes and I know sometimes I keep making them. It’s hard finding the purpose to life. You think you have it all figured out, but in reality, you struggle. Every turmoil seems like the end of the world, and I’ve been victim to being brought down in situations where I feel as if nothing in the world is ever going to work out. The truth is, I’ve lost touch with myself. I have been so distracted by all things negative, and the motivated, strong, family girl I use to see when I looked in the mirror is no longer there.
Being exposed to all the inhumane experiences people around the world have undergone has made me feel guilty for not being thankful for what I have been given. There are so many problems bigger than me, and I feel as if I’ve let myself lose touch with the gratitude and thankfulness I’ve wanted encompass as a person. Learning about the genocides that have occurred in the past has opened my eyes to how precious life is, and how insignificant my problems are. I do not want to let myself be drowned by so much negativity when I have been blessed with so many things that at some points, others had to fight for.
Another response I have been having to discovering such atrocities of the world is the confrontation of the importance of family. I have been distant my with my family recently, and although I know I love them, I have not been doing anything to make them a priority in my life. I feel terrible about this. Being forced to understand what kind of loss families had to go through during genocides was an eye opener for me to start loving and appreciating having my family with me everyday. The small problems, overthinking, and obstacles I make a big deal right now compare nothing to what I would go through to be being separated from my family.
“Learn to enjoy every minute of your life. Be happy now. Don’t wait for something outside of yourself to make you happy in the future. Think how really precious is the time you have to spend, whether it’s at work or with your family. Every minute should be enjoyed and savored.” – Earl Nightingale
Family is the most important aspect of life. Having those people you can always rely on, always share the beauties of life, always smile with, always love are the ones you must hold on to the hardest. Family is infinite. Being grateful for them and holding them dear, especially at this age, will be the greatest choice I will make in my life. In the future, when I begin to make a family of my own, I will know what it means to stay committed to family because of the love and gratitude I show now. Time spent with them will never be too much.
Seeing the faces of many of families before the Holocaust makes my heart ache. To know that this love and beautiful joy was soon to be shattered makes me appreciate everything I have right now. My problems are incredibly small compared to what innocent lives, innocent children had to endure.